Tuesday, December 2, 2008

In which Tom offends everyone

Part 1

I realized the other day that I offend people. I really do not mean to and I am mostly surprised when I do but the salient fact is that I am an offensive human being. I have been thinking of why this is and I have come up with a possible working hypothesis. I may seem to ramble a bit here, but bear with me and I will return to the subject eventually.
A) I do not understand the way other people think. Sometimes what I think they are thinking is not what they are thinking at all, if in fact other people do think which sometimes I think is very unlikely;(that in itself is a prime example of how I offend people, I make grandiose statements informing the rest of the world that it is somehow deficient on the tom-o-meter.) Back to thinking, I truly do not think the way other people do. I realize this mostly at movie theatres and other public places where everyone around me reacts to something in the same way and I fail to see why. Then later I am the only one reacting a certain way to something completely different. For example I give you the movie, Braveheart. In one of the Battle scenes a man gets his arm chopped off, I was laughing and everyone else in the very full movie theatre was making ‘oh that was gross ‘ sounds at first I saw nothing odd at this, then I realized that it is the outward manifestation of an inward oddness. I think differently then most other people. I do not know how or why, I just know that I do.
B) People confuse me. I just do not understand sometimes. Once I asked a girl what she wanted for Christmas and she told me “A pair of Mittens and some slim fast” So, I got her a pair of mittens and some slim fast. Everyone (including the girl) told me what a jerk I was. I did not understand why people where so upset for 15 years, when I told my wife the story and she explained why I was such a jerk. Now I understand that there is this thing called “irony” and I have a vague notion of what it entails, but for some reason I almost never understand it when other people use it and when I try, I come across as just being mean. I think it may have something to do with voice inflection, and being a lip-reader that does me no good at all. If only people had a little screen on one eye that would flash ;) whenever irony was being used. I have hit a few (ok more then a few) guys whom in retrospect, where probably just being ironic. Not assholes.


Caprice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julie said...

Just so you know you have never offended me. I hope I didn't ruin your statistics. I have though, wanted to hit you and then done so...but you merely laugh and make me want to hit you harder and then you laugh harder. And really I can't remember why I wanted to hit you in the first place...probably so you would think I was tough. Maybe I should be offended!!

Caprice said...

not everyone some people haven't met you