Sunday, April 22, 2012


I am not going to tell you how to make meth.
 Honestly, I do appreciate the thousands of hits I have been getting on my normal blog since posting "Methadventures" but really, seriously, I am not telling you exactly how to make it.
I will tell you the story of "Torch" as an object lesson.
"Torch" aka Little Bill, Tiny Bitch, NoWanker and Ned, was one of the longest lasting inmates on my crew. He was in for involuntary Manslaughter, plus manufacture and distribution of a controlled substance.
He was a meth-cook. A chemist that graduated from some tech school and went straight into the business of making his own. 
Surprisingly to me, he started out making steroids. But, as he told me, "Those Guys are CRAZY!" so he switched to what he thought was a safer product.
He was a font of information, chemical structures, balances, cellular level absorption and on and on. By education and inclination I am an Anthropologist (I know, worthless culture studies) so I really had no Idea what the hell he was talking about.
It seemed incredibly complex and dangerous for a little bit of money.
Thats what I thought until he told me how much he was making in a week. As much as I made in two years.
Oh, before I forget and ramble on, boring you to death, I should describe Torch.
He was skinny, and wasted looking. He had all of his own teeth and some hair. The rest of his face was melted. He tried to grow a beard to hide the ugly, but it came in all patchy and different colors and coarsness. He said that was from the skin grafts. His neck and chin looked like pitted black plastic. With a thin covering of elmers glue over it, making it a little shiny.
The process of making meth includes a lot of flammable steps, one step, I seem to remember reacts violently with oxygen. You know, Air.
He was cooking a batch with two of his friends and someone blundered. Both his friends, and the Lady that lived next door died. He was "Lucky" and just got his face melted off.
He got ten years for each of his buddies and double Life for his neighbor. He said she used to bring them cakes. 
He was resigned to his life. One of the very few inmates I ever met that accepted that he was being punished, and he felt he deserved it. That lady Haunted him every night. He didn't have much in the way of eyelids so sleeping was difficult for him.
One day I saw a piece of his face fall off.
Medical care for inmates, in spite of popular misconception, is neither good, nor free. They had to pay it back. And when you only make a dollar an hour and have to pay the prison 30% of that to cover your meals, skin grafts take a really long time to pay off.
So, a piece of his face fell off. About a 3 inch square piece. I was sickened and alarmed. Everything I knew about everything told me that this was a BAD thing.
Torch was unconcerned.
I approached him, warily. He was lightly rubbing the newly skinless section of his chin and grimacing a bit.
To my unspoken question he replied.
"Oh, its just the plastic working out of my skin. Anybody that cooks meth without the right gear gets it. Little deposits of plastic from the process get absorbed into your skin and the body pushes them out over time. I cooked for a long time"
And, as he scratched another few crunchy bits out of his skin. I left him to his contemplation of past trangressions.
So, I will never tell anyone how to make meth.


Katsidhe said...

Cooking meth: it's all fun and games until someone looses their face.

You have had quite the colourful existence, my friend.

The Tom said...

HA! I guess my life has not been black and white.
Wait till i start the modern stuff,,,,,,,

dbs said...

Wow. This is pure writing.

The Tom said...

@dbs, Thank you. I very much enjoyed your "Backpack" analogy. Marvelous work that.