Saturday, April 7, 2012


The first time I held an I-phone in my hand and felt its pleasing ergonomic contour I thought one thing. "This would make the perfect skipping rock, all the way across a lake if the wind was right"
Possibly this is not what the eggheads at apple planned. Nevertheless I have been waiting for the chance to skip one. In fact, if any of you wish to donate an Iphone, I shall hire film guys to document the excellent skip. Ill even put it to music and have the editor genius type human render it in slow motion so you can see every flicker of the screen as it joyfully flys to its watery death.
Technology and I do not get along.
I have trouble working with anything that may be smarter then me, which is why I stick with hammers mostly.

BIP (BeforeIPhone) I had a lot of different phones. I destroyed them. Not on purpose I promise, its just that plastic really doesn't hold up that well in my life. I hate talking on the phone anyway, so hard to read lips that way. Impossible to use body language to denote any emotion and very difficult for such as I to attempt sarcasm. To be safe, I usually avoid sarcasm altogether in any sort of vocal venue, as I have a tendency to just make people cry.
BIP I could pretend that I actually used the phones to their full capacity, now, I dont even try. Meg-giga-googa-gaaga-bytes and pixels-binary-code-OS-free source-ap are just random letters to me. Except Pixels, I dated a girl once that was very Pixel like, just like tinkerbell minus the wings. She even had the hair.
I am not a Luddite, not by any means. I welcome technology and all of its labor saving usefulness. Roofing nail guns and air compressors are two of my favorites. Anyone that has ever smashed a digit with a roofing hammer shares this feeling.

Belt fed Sheetrock screw guns are the bomb. Its like having an extra mini-hand to hold and steady the screws while you are putting them in.
Trucks kick the holy smelly shit out of wheelbarrows. Dump trucks that much again. Trust me, if you have ever mixed a yard of concrete or more in a wheelbarrow or spread a couple hundred cubic tons of gravel with a rake and a shovel, you know.
Motorcycles are faster than horses. Four wheeler's can go more places than a goat. Guns can shoot bullets further and faster then any slingshot. Stoves are much less apt to catch your tee-pee on fire then an open fire. washing machines and dishwashers can be more hygienic than a stream.
Technology. Its good for so many things.
But giving me an i-phone, or a laptop or desktop or computer of any sort is like giving a caveman a GPS. If he cant eat it, get food with it, keep warm with it or love it. Its a hammer.

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