On Swearing (THE GREAT OFFENDER)
I swear; a lot. I always have. Once my Uncle Buck said that if you can’t say it in front of your Mom you should not say it. Since then I have made it a point to swear in front of my Mom. I realize that swearing is a sign of an undisciplined mind, an uneducated person and someone lacking in imagination. Probably true. However "Fetch" just does not cut it. Besides, what really is the difference? One word tells people that you are "!" the other tells them you are a pansie. About twice a year I resolve not to swear and I have excellent intentions right up until the moment when (nameless person) says or does something so stupid/thoughtless/hypocritical that if I held it in any longer I would do myself an injury. I am actually amazed that some people are offended by mere words, For example, a man (nameless) who has just stolen from me, been caught, then had the audacity to lie about it to my face. An asshole by any definition of the word. However when I rightfully apply this sobriquet to him, his face becomes red, the veins in his neck pop out and he appears offended. This amazes me. Or, people who do all the things that you shouldn’t, all those things that all the religions teach you not to do in Sunday school, all those things that your Mom and Dad hopefully told you would get you a one way ticket to hell. These people are offended by a scatological reference. This amazes me. It amazes me to the point that I feel like quoting scripture, and not the one about “Swear neither by the earth, which is Gods footstool” because any thinking person realizes that that is speaking of OATHS but the one about the white Sepulcher, all pretty and pristine to look at, but inside moldering and full of filth and corruption. Now I do try to refrain in front of children, and when its just men I tend to expand my already formidable vocabulary a lot more then if there are women present, but I swear. A lot. I swear in church and at home, I swear at work and when I am playing, I swear at family parties and funerals and for the most part I am amazed when people are offended. And do you want to know the crazy thing? Sometimes I do not swear at all. I am what I am, and fights is fun. (Popeye is so cool.) With me, what you see is what you get, really.