Thursday, February 3, 2011

Dumb and Me

As I get older I think the world is dumber.
Then I reflect.
When I was 11 I shot the Family TV with a pellet gun.
When I was 12 I accidentally burned down the apple tree and part of the fence.
When I was 13 I mixed all the chemicals in my chemistry set together and sorta blew up my dresser.
When I was 14 a praying mantis nest I had lost, hatched in my parents bedroom, in January.
At 15 I destroyed the chemistry lab at school, at 16 I was pulled over the day after I got my License going 102 in a 25, At 17 I took a life-size stuffed doll with the biggest bra money could buy filled to bursting to Prom. At 18 when my Girlfriend asked for slim-fast for Christmas, I gave it to her. Day after my 19th birthday I tried to fight a car full of irate mini-humans, by myself. 20 years old found me water-skiing behind a car in the church parking lot during a rainstorm. 21 was almost it, I tried to touch a dead alligator that wasn't.
At 22 I rode a flexible flier down Ephraim canyon at 2 am, 23 I drove a truck over an old graveyard and collapsed 5 graves, 24 I took a GEO Storm into the escalante off road area and got lost and stuck, 25 I got fat, 26 years old I took a job painting slums for a slumlord, 27 I calmly watched as a fellow idiot tried to put out a small fire with a rag soaked in paint thinner, 28 I watched as a employee poured gas in the window of his own car and threw in a match, 29 was my first golf experience from a blacktop driving balls into a neighborhood.
30, I popped a can of expanding foam into my own face, At 31 I jumped a golf cart backwards off a 6 foot high loading dock, 32 was the year I really started to push things by calling 15 federal inmates a racial slur and lazy in the same breath.
33 I could have legally taught in synagogue, but instead I was careless with a deadly rodentcide and ended up in ICU for three days with glowing poop.
34 I took a job for the state.
35 I forgot how old I was and started telling people I was 29, but my rapidly growing forehead is a little to obvious.
When I was 36 I beat the hell out of two guys in a road rage sort of thing, after I kicked in the driver side door as they were leaving I realized "Hey! I could get in trouble for that!"
Also at 36, because Karma man hates me and my Dad is still mad about the TV. I got shot with a pellet gun by some kid.
37. Nothing yet, but the year is still young.
So to reiterate.
As I get older It seems that the world is getting dumber. On reflection however.
Its just me.


Simeona Family said...

Haha! I was reading the list of everything to Kenny and told him to guess who I was reading about 26...he guessed it was you!! He say's "you're the only guy that does stupid shit like that!! Crazy white boy!! You're still my number one white boy!" He says let's get together sometime soon.

awesome said...


awesome said...

FIRST !!!!

Tom said...

Hey Awesome,
what does first mean?
I am slightly more confused then normal..

ApparentlyatotalB said...

Love it!! Every time one of my kids does something dumb I have to stop and remind myself that they are still young and haven't even begun to do the stupid shit that I did!

Anonymous said...

Amazing memories...amazing stories...and I'm sure what are some sexy're set for life!