Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What to Write?

What do you talk about when there is really nothing going on?
What do you write about when you cant think?
Its that awkward pause in the conversation when you realize that you really have nothing more to say.
Some people call it writers block. I prefer the term "Brain Constipation"
You must admit, my term is much more......picturesque.
It seems that I am actually nervous to write about a lot of the really funny stuff that has happened. For various reasons, prosecution being one of them. The other participants in said hilarity still being alive would be another.
I am eagerly awaiting the demise of a few people just so i can tell a really funny story.
That sounds so wrong.
I am certain if I told it whilst they were still amongst the living, they would slay me. So, I will tell a lessor story. Still funny.... Just not AS funny.

I once worked with this fellow, lets call him Berry for the sake of a name. He was young and full of the devil. He liked to play practical and impractical jokes on people.
Impractical meaning that the probability of anyone else in the world finding the joke funny was highly unlikely. I blame Jackass. Damn that Bam.
I was in a toilet stall one fine day. Don't cringe, but you too have been in those same stalls. Looking out.
I was minding my own business, actually and literally, when a handful of wet toilet paper hit me right in the face.
It was cold.
and very very wet.
Berry! In my heart I swore vengeance!
I may have mentioned this before, i may not have mentioned it at all, I don't do these sort of things. Not usually. Mostly because when I do them, they end badly.
I am not smart.
I forgot that my revenges always end poorly.
One day a little after this.
I was walking out of the bathroom and Berry walked in. Alone. I knew he was alone because I had just left and I had been alone.
I am sure, that as I gathered an entire sink full of toilet paper and turned the cold water on that I was grinning in a deranged manner.
I know I was, saw it in the mirror.
I carried fully ten pounds of dripping wet nastiness to the stall, saw the boots under it.
I leapt in the air and slam dunked the entire wad right on Berry's face!!!
I was laughing in a deranged manner as I ran out of the bathroom and slammed right into Berry.
Standing right outside the door.
The look on my face went from deranged glee to oh shit in less then an eye blink.
I was only able to turn slowly and see the door slowly opening.
My Boss.
Wearing ten pounds of splattered toilet paper.
Berry was laughing like a deranged person.
I never learn

1 comment:

Krissy said...

I'm sure that didn't bode well for your career path, but that shit is funny as hell! Boys and their pranks. LOL